“No more white gloves!”

Justin’s rating: Saved by the spell this movie cast over me

Justin’s review: Welcome to Miss Godard’s Preparatory School for Girls, 1963. Even with a few strict rules and an absence of the male gender, most of its inhabitants thrive in its New England environment.

New enrollee Odie (Gaby Hoffmann, Uncle Buck) isn’t thrilled to be taken away from her boyfriend and put into, as she imagines it, a prison for her hormones, but she gradually adapts and connects with a circle of friends. These include spunky mischief-maker Verena (Kirsten Dunst), boy-crazy Tinka (Monica Keena), aspiring psychiatrist Tweety (Heather Matarazzo), and nerdy Momo (Merritt Wever) — but definitely does not include uptight hall monitor Abby (Rachael Leigh Cook).

The group inducts Odie into the Daughters of the American Ravioli, a support group-slash-secret society with a vague purpose to help each other achieve their dreams and a really cool hidden room.

That purpose is expanded, however, when word comes down that the cash-strapped Miss Godard’s may be forced to go co-ed with the nearby boy’s school. This invasion cannot stand, and the girls try to figure out a way to thwart the merger. And by “figure out a way,” I mean “go to war with every weapon at their disposal.”

Originally titled The Hairy Bird and called Strike! in British territories, All I Wanna Do celebrates the wonderful weirdness of girl culture — especially when divorced from the direct influence of those grody boys. It has an authentic feel, going from innocent hijinks to frank sex talk to topics like bulimia, sexual harrassment, and discrimination.

The setting of the 1960s is well-chosen, contrasting the limited empowerment of women of the time with the DAR’s aspirations to greatness. In a way, this is an origin story for several future success stories, the tale that each one of them might share to a magazine reporter a few decades from then.

But more than that, it’s a coming-of-age account where many of the girls come to the realization that this “penal colony,” as Odie puts it, actually gives them all the best shot at the futures they desire. Without men to steal their thunder or push them into limited roles, they’re more free to flourish at this age in their lives.

I really appreciated how this is a far complex and nuanced look at the ol’ “save our school!” plot than we typically get. The headmistress (Lynn Redgrave in a movie-stealing performance) isn’t the enemy who’s in love with the rules and nothing but; in fact, she shows a sense of humor and a real desire to help nurture these ladies. Her advice for Odie to embark on the adventure of friendship was wonderfully put, and the scene where she reveals how hard she’s been fighting for the school over three decades is positively heartbreaking.

It truly feels that in the modern era, nobody has any idea how to write women characters who aren’t one-note “girl bosses” or pristine Mary Sues. I would suggest returning to films like All I Wanna Do to see how flaws, goals, obstacles, and developing relationships may provide the depth that is lacking in today’s movies. Writer/director Sarah Kernochan has a thing or two to teach in this field.

Unfortunately, All I Wanna Do was suppressed from any sort of wide release by — no surprise here — Harvey Weinstein and limited to a single week run in New York. It’s both ironic and tragic that a feminist film was killed by this vile woman hater, and such an injustice can only be remedied by a future audience discovering and appreciating this film on its own merits.

Veering away from lecture, I want to conclude by announcing that this is quite the enjoyable movie. The period visuals are warm and nostalgic, the soundtrack is upbeat, the dialogue crackles, and the girls’ resolute spirit admirable. There is no doubt in my mind that if this film had been widely released, it would be regarded today as one of the best teen movies of the era.

And I’ll stick to that with a wawa brush.

Intermission!

• “A film by everyone who worked on it” in the opening credits (also, the “hairy bird”)
• “They think I’ll be safe surrounded by high walls and lesbians.”
• “She looks like an axe murderer.”
• “Up your ziggy with a wawa brush!”
• “They’re not jewelry. They’re office supplies.”
• How to buy smokes off the cook
• “Dear Dennis, I miss you so much. I’m perishing in this penal colony.”
• Cramps gets you out of everything
• “Miss Godard’s girls are VERY organized.”
• The FLAT CRITTERS… they take pictures of animals that have been run over
• I like their secret room
• “That’s why they call it a finishing school.”
• “You’ve missed an entire period!” “You mean… I’m pregnant?”
• “I love it here, it’s my home.” “No, my dear, it’s not.”
• The Committee: “What is this, a junta?”
• “We have a saying: ‘No more little white gloves.'”
• The cherry picker scene had me roaring
• “You would just go out and greet them with open legs!”
• “Now they’ll have to call it Miss Gonads.”
• That is one very elaborate bra
• “The master race has arrived.”
• Rachael Leigh Cook’s beehive
• That is one blind guard
• “This is great, every 15 minutes I get a new date.”
• This is the most complicated contraceptive ever… and it exploded
• “Wouldn’t you be happier if you resigned?” “I can’t. Miss Godard’s is my home.”
• That heartbreaking tracking shot away from Tweety
• “You’re so beautiful I could eat your teeth.”
• “She’s sucking his face off!”
• Abby’s double-fist pump of joy
• So much puking
• That enthusiastic stomp on the camera
• “Twenty-eight years of work so I can kiss some headmaster’s ass!”
• “I WANT TO RETCH AND DIE!”
• “Out, or we start swinging!”
• The calvary has arrived
• “Miss Godard’s gave us a voice, so now it’s hard to shut up.”
• “These are your daughters. You can be proud.”