“It stinks!”

Justin’s rating: My writing can do magic things!

Justin’s review: Like many of you, Mystery Science Theater 3000 holds a special place in my life. I have fond memories of watching it in college every day after lunch before we had to jet off for classes, and the bad movies that the show turned me onto were a key component in my journey into mutant reviewing. Of course, not every episode of MST3K was a certified classic, but the ones that were ended up grafting their riffs and movie quotes into our lives.

One of the greatest of these was Pod People, or E.T.: The Second Coming in the UK, or as it’s actually called, Extra Terrestrial Visitors. Originally designed to be an alien horror movie, the filmmakers were forced at the last minute to adapt more kid-friendly elements to draw upon the recent success of E.T. What could go wrong with that?

A glowing meteor filled with alien eggs crash-lands in the middle of Hickville, USA. Despite the valiant efforts of a local to smash as many as he can, the menace is not thwarted. But while the furry adult alien goes all slasher villain on the locals, a baby alien named Trumpy befriends a shrill little sweater-wearing boy and does “magic things” in his house. Also in the mix are a few nightingale egg poachers (yes, that hoary old trope) and a bunch of wanna-be musicians who function as death fodder.

So on one hand, you’ve got a generic scifi horror story, and on the other, a whimsical kids adventure. Some tastes simply don’t complement each other, and such is the case of Pod People. Its effort to combine Alien and E.T. results in a Frankenstein failure that’s as baffling as it is delightful to watch. Though, I really wanted the horror to win out so that this child and his piping-high voice would be silenced forever.

Of course, we’re all here for Trumpy. Trumpy is what puts butts in the seats and cash in the registers, and the filmmakers know it. So this alien, which looks like a cross between a coconut and an anteater, snarfs up peanuts, and performs random acts of stop-motion telekinesis for our amusement. He and his mother look so abnormally freaky that you don’t blame everyone for trying to kneejerk murder them. That Timmy sees one as a plaything is another reason why he deserves to have his insides vacuumed out.

I also am partial to the colorful and extremely dorky band members who keep the script spicy with their high drama and inane quotes. They’re just the right level of floundering incompetent to find a slow-moving elephant alien a legitimate threat.

Along with Mac and Me, Pod People is a must-see for the self-loathing E.T. fan. There are several versions from which to pick, including the MST3K one, but no matter which you choose, you’re in for a head-scratchingly good time.

Intermission!

• Look at those ultra-realistic meteor effects!
• And now for a context-free struggle between an alien and people as the credits play over them. Which are actually scenes from Galaxy Invader. For no good reason.
• Who DOESN’T have a crossbow in their truck cab?
• Red glowing mist in the woods should always be investigated
• All alien eggs should be smashed with extreme prejudice
• What’s more iconic: The “I’m a Virgin” shirt or the “It stinks!” catchphrase?
• That red jacket has the biggest shoulders
• The floozy with her little headband is my spirit animal
• Enjoy a dose of early ’80s European pop
• When aliens kill you, they tattoo a glowing constellation on your head
• The synth birds
• “Well, that’s the way the cookie crumbles!”
• If someone falls off a cliff, it’s best to carry her around and twist her spine as much as possible
• If you find a giant alien egg, it’s mandatory that you sleep in bed with it
• How many animals does this kid have in his room?
• Aliens don’t like doing jigsaw puzzles, but they’ll hack into a Simon Says
• This kid thinks his mother is orange, according to the portrait he drew of her
• Alien powers can make your bedroom go into stop-motion overdrive
• Even though your friend died, at least you won’t have to miss Dallas
• This movie is about 50% fog and 30% snout
• Shooting a rifle at a bottle of Jim Beam in a den is a good way to repay your host
• “You’re naughty, Trumpy, very naughty!”
• Trumpy dress-up!
• This house is full of beds with dead people stacked on them