“Oh, I’m fine, son. This is just healthy cough-blood!”

Justin’s rating: If only this marked the very end of superhero movies. If only.

Justin’s review: It’s really interesting to consider that when Superhero Movie came out in 2008, probably a lot of people thought we had achieved peak superhero moviedom. In the eight years since the century began, we got the X-Men series, the Spider-Man franchise, two more entries in the Blade series, Superman Returns, Batman Begins, Hellboy, The Incredibles, and plenty of fizzled rejects. Yet this spoof came out perhaps too early, because 2008 marked the transition to an even more insane era of super-flicks, what with the MCU, DCEU, and Christopher Nolan’s other two Batman flicks.

So Superhero Movie missed out, perhaps, but still serves to be a time capsule to an earlier era. That is, if we want to assign such bottom-feeding humor a position of such honor.

I really can’t remember that last time I watched a spoof movie (come to think of it, they ended their era around this time as well). I used to thrive on these in my younger years, but they stopped being clever, started being crass, and got so lazy that they either started their titles with “Not Another” or ended it with “Movie” or both, just in case the brain-dead morons trickling into the theaters couldn’t tell where they were supposed to park their popcorn-chugging snouts for the next two hours.

Oink oink, let’s roll.

This movie anchors itself on Spider-Man for “inspiration,” as there’s nothing more relevant than watching a 2008 movie in 2023 copying a film from 2002. On a trip to a science lab, Rick Riker (Drake Bell, who actually DID voice Spider-Man on Disney XD in the 2010s) is bitten by a genetically enhanced dragonfly. He assumes all of its powers — aside from the whole “flying” thing — and becomes the green-suited Dragonfly.

As the movie marches through a parody of Peter Parker’s first outing, it works in plenty of references to X-Men and the like. Along for the ride are several B-list comedy actors looking for an easy paycheck, including Kevin Hart, Christopher McDonald, and Leslie Nielsen (who wasn’t saying “no” any of these scripts when they came calling).  Nielsen plays the Ben Parker role, McDonald is the Norman Osborne character “The Hourglass,” Tracy Morgan is Professor X, and so on. Also, there’s Pamela Anderson being nothing more than a sexual sight gag as Invisible Girl.

Even with so much material to use as a comedic broth, Superhero Movie more often than not goes for the easy, low-hanging joke in any given scene. It’s a lot of slapstick and “Hey, you remember this from the actual movie” — yet not always. Once in a while, it girds its spandex and puts in some above-minimum effort to get an honest laugh. I appreciated those moments, as I did the PG-13 rating that kept this from devolving into a Scary Movie scenario. Nielsen continues to steal every scene he’s in with some deadpan slapstick and non sequiturs, just two years before his death.

Maybe don’t let the name fool you; Superhero Movie isn’t one of Friedberg and Seltzer’s piles of cinematic excrement. It’s a middle-of-the-road spoof that has a place for someone — certainly not like myself on a chilly fall afternoon — looking for a mindless series of chuckles and a reminder of how much more innocent we were before Marvel came calling.

Intermission!

• iPod drinks? That dated well.
• Bus gangs include the Frodos, Scarface Society, and Sexual Predators
• Flash photography can set animals on fire
• “They died violently nine years ago.” “But otherwise OK?”
• OK all the animals coming on to him was pretty funny
• That snail is a pervert
• “Your thighs look like cottage cheese that someone threw up on a hot sidewalk.”
• “Crazy is hearing voices, talking to cats, dating Paula Abdul…”
• Old two-bras, they called her
• They’re mocking Stephen Hawking? That does seem like a line is crossed.
• Pushing an old lady out of the way… and into a woodchipper
• OK the kid trying to save his parents and accidentally killing them was pretty funny
• Sell Google shares, invest in Enron
• ‘I’m nothing but a screw-up.” “Yes, your life has been a testament to that.”
• Professor Xavier’s School for the Non-Asian Gifted
• The mutant who thinks he can walk through walls… lol
• And the mutant who sneezes someone else’s head clean off
• Prof X on the Segway… and the rolling toilet
• Superheroes sometimes have to share the same brooding perch
• “This is just in: Tom Cruise is dead.”
• ‘Take it out… with ANOTHER piece of glass!”
• “Sorry about that, we share a building with a mental hospital.”
• Nobody likes spinny cameras in the middle of one-liners
• “What this city needs is more cops. And a Hooters.”
• Clippy: It looks like you’re planning a mass murder, do you need help?
• Stuffing the cat into the turkey
• So. Many. Fart. Jokes.
• “I do have this coupon for a cremation.”
• All the super-famous figures getting into a brawl
• Celine Dion makes inspirational lyrics