“We studied medieval history together at school. We’re smarter than we look.”

Justin’s rating: Not a single sparkly underworlder to be seen

Justin’s review: While there are no shortages of one-off vampire movies, entire series are a somewhat rarer find. Rarer still are the Nosferatu franchises that actually define the horror subgenre. Perhaps one might nominate the Blade trilogy, or the (shudder) Twilight flicks, or the vapid Underworld actioners. But lurking in dark places is where voices whisper of a much more worthy candidate: the Subspecies series.

Six direct-to-video movies, all directed by Ted Nicolaou, all made in Romania, all produced by Full Moon Entertainment. And rather than being disposably schlocky, Subspecies became one of the studio’s breakout franchises, right up there with Trancers.

What I like here is that Subspecies goes full-on, old school Transylvania with its approach. This isn’t some sort of modern twist in the new world, perhaps with a Valley Girl who loves to stake hunky undead while barking out a short quip. This is an ancient culture living in an ancient part of the world, given a more complex and deft approach than is usually done.

For starters, not all vampires are out-and-out evil. Sure, there are jerks like Radu (Anders Hove), who is jockeying for his father’s — Phantasm’s Angus Scrimm in a pre-credits cameo — bloodstone, but there are decent vampire chaps like Radu’s brother Stefan (Michael Watson), who aren’t murder mosquitoes. Caught in the middle of this family squabble are a trio of visiting college coeds, who end up as pawns in this deadly affair.

The girls would’ve been totally fine if they hadn’t kept poking around the Castle of Mystery™ and if one of the coeds didn’t fall for Stefan’s rakishly good looks. Forbidden love! Family power struggles! Ugly troll masks! All that and more are crammed into this brisk 83-minute tale. Even as the girls keep flirting with danger and prodding the locals for more folklore, we the audience are hoping they keep pushing their luck… because we’re just as curious to see where this all leads.

Radu wants to turn all the girls into his vampiric consorts, while Stefan strives to live up to his heroic vampire ancestors and save the village from this monstrosity.

It’s not the most revolutionary movie, I admit, but Subspecies seized upon its homefield advantage and used it for all it’s worth. The Romanian setting gives it a realistic gothic flair, easily convincing you that creatures of the night could indeed exist in such a place. If you get sick of seeing the TMZ and Vancouver substituting for all sorts of supposedly remote places, then this film’s actual on-location shooting at a castle feels refreshingly authentic.

Also in this movie’s favor are some pretty neat pre-CGI practical effects and stop-motion imps (which kind of become this flick’s mascots, hence the film’s title). Couple that with Radu’s genuinely freaky presence — he reminded me of a vampire version of Pennywise the clown — and you get a movie that respects the vampire field enough to attempt to pay homage to the older traditions rather than trying to be a hip young trendsetter. That really feels refreshing, and I can see why it spawned a whole series to cavort around in this playground.

Intermission!

• Vampires have very long fingers and suckle from bleeding Christmas ornaments
• Also, vampires can snap off their fingers to grow little imps
• “Loser sleeps alone.”
• An attic full of coffins, why not!
• Radu coming out of his coffin is a creeptacular moment
• That is one very ugly mask
• Always a good idea to take a nap in Romanian countryside as night falls
• TREE VAMPIRE!
• Shout out to this movie’s soundtrack, which does so much to keep the atmosphere foreboding and intense
• Array of anti-vampire weapons
• The charming nighttime mask parade
• Radu appearing in the middle of the festival was pretty freaky
• Here comes the wagon with the severed head on a stake, normal Thursday for these here parts
• When your American friend dies in a foreign country, best thing to do is not call the embassy or her family but just bury her with an old man.
• Shooting a vampire with rosary beads is a new approach
• Vampires really like to shred up your shirts
• Death by chandelier