“They’re back!”

Justin’s rating: I will never own a pair of sunglasses that cool.

Justin’s review: As I’ve noted before, the ’80s wasn’t the most mentally safe era to grow up as a kid. Filmmakers such as George Lucas, Chris Columbus, and Joe Dante loved to pitch family fare that would often contain elements that would scar you for life. Or maybe that’s just me. Mind you, I kind of liked this “bite” to ’80s cinema and miss it today.

So let us never forget that Steven Spielberg — Mr. Cuddly E.T. himself — wrote and produced one of the most genuinely frightening ghost tales of the decade with 1982’s Poltergeist. That right there was a movie where it tricked you into thinking that the scares and dangers were all done… right before kicking the serious stuff into high gear. It’s no wonder that Gen X survivors still have an inherent fear of clowns. And beds. And trees.

Because Poltergeist made a chunk of change, of course it got turned into a full-blown series (again, this was the ’80s). Poltergeist II: The Other Side was greenlit and came out a few years later with much of the same cast and an effort to expand upon the story of spectral forces trying to get their ectoplasmic claws on a little girl. There were a few departures — Dominique Dunn (who was murdered in 1982) didn’t see her character replaced and Spielberg wasn’t involved — but also a few interesting additions, such as H.R. Giger coming on board to make the creatures.

The sequel attempts to explain why the Freeling family’s home was haunted. Naturally, this is due to an insane cultist preacher who performed apocalyptic rites in a cave underneath their dwelling. But even after relocating to a completely different state, the preacher — Kane (Julian Beck) — and his spirit forces are coming after them anyway. It’s just a complementary service that such loons provide.

Helping the Freelings rid themselves of this threat is a super-helpful Indian medicine man who admits he sort of does this thing on the side as a hobby and sets up a tent in their back yard. Why couldn’t we follow him and his associates around in the subsequent movies, like a Native American version of Ghostbusters? I’d be down for that.

Despite Spielberg’s absence, you do get a sense that the filmmakers are trying hard to capture that brand of warm and fuzzy magic with a focus on the family unit, kids as protagonists, enchanting moments, and a fairly charming score by Jerry Goldsmith.

Yet there’s no doubt that this is a completely unnecessary sequel. It’s answering no big questions that were left after the first one nor treading any imaginative new ground. Having a somewhat-human villain gives the audience a face to hate, but all things considered, it’s another house and another round of special effects-laden hauntings of this poor family. And since we’re all braced for the worst that the first movie had to offer, that’s more than enough psychological steeling to handle the lesser scares here.

Looking back at this series today, the Poltergeist movies aren’t trying to be slashers that so dominated the ’80s. Rather, this is another round of psychological horror where they’re trying to creep you out more than gross you out. But when it’s relying too hard on flashbacks and schmaltzy moments, it’s hard to get that unnerved.

Intermission!

• How did you guys get all the way to the top of that very vertical mesa?
• I forgot how weird that exorcist lady’s voice was, like a little kid’s
• Gooey slimy corpses always have things falling out of their mouths
• If you claim a house vanished into thin air, insurance companies won’t pay up
• “You were never a hippie.”
• So many flashbacks here
• ZOMBIE DREAM ATTACK
• Mad magazine!
• Oh good, the doll is moving on its own
• “I cahoot with no one.”
• Do they not have a guest room for this guy?
• “Angry? That car is PISSED.”