“Have you checked the children?”

Kyle’s rating: Perfect midnight crappy movie, assuming you’re well on the way to intoxication (thanks, Laughlin!)

Kyle’s review: When a Stranger Calls is awful.

Now, if all things had proceeded as they should have, this would be a review of The Matador starring Pierce Brosnan. By some bizarre quirk of fate, however, I was completely unable to see The Matador. It came and went at my theater during a tumultuous week for me, and the one trip I made to a distant theater became a different kind of trip all together when I got there. Whatever. I knew I’d be letting down the Pierce but there’s always the rental shelf… except that when I found out I’d be in Laughlin for a few days’ debauchery, I made certain I was staying at the Riverside. Why? Because that’s where they have a bowling alley and a movie theater, and when I checked I saw that they had The Matador on one of their screens. Awesome! Plus, there’s always the movie theater at the outlet mall, and they had The Matador, too. That’s my kind of vacation!

But this isn’t a review of The Matador, is it? Nope. See, the Riverside dropped it from their screens the day before I got there, and the projector showing the film at the outlet’s theater broke the day I arrived and they never got the replacement part from California while I was in town. Which sucked, sure, but it wasn’t about to prevent me from indulging in a cheap-o midnight movie. Of course, I wasn’t in the mood for Walk the Line or Brokeback Mountain; I was in the mood for fun. But Eight Below seemed like the wrong kind of Disney fun, and there was another movie I can’t recall. Oh, and Firewall seemed potentially like it could be fun, but I had heard bad things and wasn’t Harrison Ford a little old for brainless action? No, probably not, but that didn’t seem worthwhile. Which brings us to…

When a Stranger Calls.

As you can tell, it definitely wasn’t my first choice.

I will admit, though, that despite knowing enough about the original film (did you know this was a remake?) to know exactly what was going to happen, and knowing exactly how it all would happen from the spoiler-laden trailer, I was slightly psyched about seeing it when I showed up just before midnight to buy my ticket. Surely my blood alcohol level contributed to my enthusiasm, but I think that the magazine cover of Stranger star Camilla Belle that caught my eye also did its share of getting my heart pumping. I had read that this film was basically an all-Belle show, so her astonishing beauty at least guaranteed some level of entertainment, even if all else failed.

And pretty much everything else did end up failing, in a way. I mean, if you’ve ever seen a horror/slasher film before, specifically one that featured in any way a hapless girl trapped inside a house while menaced by a relentless madman, then you’ve seen the basics this film has to offer.

I guess a selling point here is that the babysitting Belle is “safe” inside a multi-million dollar mansion/fortress with state-of-the-art security systems (wonder if those will function properly?), so the house is cool to look at for about ten minutes, but after the coolness fades there’s nothing to the movie. Especially when you know (hey, spoiler!) that the killer is somehow inside the house (end spoilers that you already knew from the trailer) and you’re just waiting for the Belle to find out, too. Lame!

Yeah, don’t waste your time on When a Stranger Calls. Camilla Belle is super-attractive and seems to have eyebrows sculpted perfectly out of sea otter fur (I meant that in a complimentary way, but I totally recognize how it could be misinterpreted) but she won’t be winning any acting awards based on this one. She might be great in a romantic comedy, however. But this is awful. Laughlin rules, though. Gambling and booze rule, especially with a nice dash of bowling. All right!