“I am a created like no other and I will not, I will not, be common!”

PoolMan’s rating: Steaming pile, anyone?

PoolMan’s review: Seeing as our astute leader will censor me if I use language too strong here, I will use a weak word repeatedly and hope the same effect sinks in: crap crap crap crap crap crap crap. This is the first time, EVER, while watching a movie that I’ve checked the rental box to see how much longer I would have to watch it. Zowee.

Here’s my short list of stuff that bothered me:

• The screaming, begging security guard (that haunted me, actually)
• The overuse of car accidents as a mode of humour
• The crippled children, and their attitude
• The evil fiancé and her attitude
• Boyd’s totally inexplicable evil streak, which is vaguely blamed on some self-empowerment seminar he went on
• The wheelchair/screaming wife scene at the end

And that’s my short list. This movie repeatedly attempts dark humour, without the humour part. Honestly, who found the screenplay so entertaining that they dumped money on this one?

My “good point” about Very Bad Things is that the actors involved really did portray the fear, guilt, and panic admirably. Perhaps that’s because they had a feeling of how it would be received by audiences. (okay, I admit it, I laughed the first time the kid on crutches fell over. The FIRST time.) All that’s left for me is to watch The Doom Generation and Battlefield Earth, and my day will be complete!

Bottom line: save the $5 rental charge, and spend it on something more entertaining, like a box of diapers.

Clare’s rating: I would have preferred it if Peter Berg had just come over to my house and punched me in the gut instead. At least then I wouldn’t have had to pay for the insult.

Clare’s review: I know this movie has been lambasted by many, more widely read critics than myself and I certainly can’t think of a new and hilarious way to describe how crap-assed Very Bad Things is. However, as a personal favor, just keep reading anyway.

I have to assume that the script read WAY funnier than the movie ended up being because it attracted all sorts of talent whose judgment is usually more discerning. My main worry about the movie is for the people out there who saw Very Bad Things without having seen anything else that Jeremy Piven or Jon Favreau have worked on. The film does no one involved with it any justice but it hurt most to watch these two working so hard to make something watchable of their characters. Since Peter Berg, who I’ve always thought was a pretty talented guy, both wrote and directed Very Bad Things, I feel comfortable placing the majority of blame for this mess squarely on his shoulders.

I thought for a while, because it was released as a dark comedy, that perhaps I just didn’t get the joke. Maybe I didn’t watch it in the right frame of mind to really appreciate the tone with which the story was told. Then I snapped out of it and realized that I didn’t think it was funny or entertaining or engaging because it wasn’t.

I’ve never seen a more hateful movie. The claim that it’s supposed to be taken lightly only made things worse and ended up proving to be a really pathetic cop out. If you’re going to fill a story with weak, morally bankrupt, unrepentantly abhorrent characters, at least have the decency to write them with a sense of pride. As it is, we’re expected to derive entertainment value from watching a bunch of jerks, who treat each other horribly, kill one anther off one by one.

If I wanted that I’d just watch the evening news for belly laughs. I was left feeling a lot of things by the end of this movie (raging disappointment for one) but nothing more so than the clear understanding that, stop me if you’ve heard this one folks, Peter Berg hates women! Now that’s comedy!

The only reason I could recommend this movie is because Jeremy Piven’s ass makes a brief cameo and it was interesting to find out what it (or his stunt butt) looked like. If the sight of a man’s ass is the only thing worth recommending about a film, it’s probably best to keep moving.