“You don’t see those movies because they scare everybody up the chain of command.”

Justin’s rating: For truth. For justice. For Pete’s sake.

Justin’s review: When Superman IV: The Quest for Peace arrived in theaters (and promptly left, embarrassed at itself), fans had little idea that the franchise was signing off for the next two decades. Between 1987 and 2006, Superman was absent from the big screen even as Batman, Spider-Man, and the X-Men were stealing the spotlight.

This doesn’t mean that there was no interest in welcoming back the Man of Steel. In fact, during the ’90s there was a major effort to bring about one of the most comic-booky films of all time — one which, if it had been made, might’ve kickstarted the superhero movie craze several years earlier. Yet despite incredible talent, big names attached, and a studio salivating at the imagined profits, this infamous project ultimately died. So what gives?

That’s what this 2015 documentary, The Death of Superman Lives: What Happened?, attempts to answer. But I warn you that if you have any fondness for this franchise, watching this may drive you insane with the tantalizing possibilities of a Kevin Smith-written, Tim Burton-directed, Nic Cage-acted Superman flick based on the most iconic Superman death-and-return comics from the ’90s.

Piecing together concept art, three different scripts, and numerous interviews from the people involved in the project, writer/director Jon Schnepp takes us through this slow-motion disaster, step by step. We get to hear the different perspectives on the movie and learn all sorts of weird trivia (Superman fights a giant spider! Batman cameo! Christopher Walken as Brainiac! An evolving suit! An alien teddy bear!).

And if your whole point of reference of this project were the ridiculous-looking Nic Cage costume pics that the internet laughed at and quickly dismissed, then address your ignorance by learning about the actual crazy plot elements — namely, a transforming suit that helped to resurrect Superman — that led up to it.

It’s obviously a huge get for this filmmaker to sit down and shoot the breeze about superheroes with Kevin Smith and Tim Burton. Their discussion is a good reminder of how insanely complicated and difficult movies are to make, especially ones attached to high-profile IPs. More than anything else, this is as close as we’ll ever get to seeing Superman Lives. The description of the plot, the evocative concept art, and the test screenings give the viewer just enough to imagine the “what if?”

[Special note: So I wrote this review in early June, about a week before The Flash came out and — you guessed it — featured a cameo of the Nic Cage Superman fighting a giant spider. I know you won’t believe me, but I was laughing at the ridiculous odds there.]

And you know what? By the end of this documentary, I genuinely wished that Superman Lives had been made. Maybe it would’ve been a total disaster and laughingstock. But there was genuine imagination and a really interesting approach for this traditionally dull character. That would’ve been worth the price of a theater ticket.

Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for this film. It’s poorly produced and far too long for the subject matter, which might’ve been better suited to a 20-minute YouTube video. The music sounds like the background soundtrack of a planetarium and never, ever stops — nor does it really match the vibe of any particular scene.

And the pacing is sluggish, as if the filmmaker was intent on cramming every last scrap of info that he obtained for posterity. There’s even a scene — and I kid you not — where the filmmaker shows an interview subject pause to take an unconnected phone call. A disciplined editor was needed most desperately.