“You can love your pets, just don’t LOVE your pets”

Justin’s rating: Uma… Uh-Mah… OOOOM-MAAAHHH! (it’s just fun to say!)

Justin’s review: The Truth about Cats and Dogs looks at the dating scene from the perspective of two friends: a pet talk show host (who thinks she’s ugly) and a gorgeous girl (who isn’t on top of her mental game). If it weren’t for the great dialog and utterly adorable Janeane Garofalo (who’s insecurity tops even my own), this film might have been a major flop.

In the guise of a sappy love story comes a painfully honest commentary on us normal-looking weirdoes. Garofalo, who is actually quite a babe (I dig short chicks), is her stand-up comic self transferred to the screen. In case you haven’t caught her on Comedy Central, she feels very insecure about her image and love life, and since that’s pretty much 99.5% of Americans, we root for her character as she tries to woo the insufferable Brit Brian (Ben Chaplin) using her too-pretty friend as cover.

Of course, this couldn’t happen in real life. For one thing, the odds of two movie stars bumping into each other in the same apartment complex are staggering. For another, how stupid is this Brian guy anyway? I mean, American women have a love obsession (and I use the word not lightly) with British for their sexy accent! Our own UK-based writers probably sleeps well at night knowing that there are 500 million girls over here who would marry them just for their conversation.

Well, this Brian acts like he was recently exported from his home island for polluting the gene pool, because in Cats and Dogs he can’t tell the difference between the voices of two girls and is a loser who tries for dates on a radio talk show about pets. He needs to be put to sleep, fast.

All said, this film is one of my favorites. Genuine laugh-out-loud parts abound, particularly with the girl’s trip to the shopping mall. It’s a film aimed at the insecure romantic in all of us, and at that point it hooks and reels us in.

Mark’s rating: 4 out of 5 things

Mark’s review: When it comes down to it, when the blood has been cleared away and the supernatural beasts dispatched to their relevant dimension, there’s nothing us Mutants like more than a nice romantic comedy. This film is so lightweight it almost flies off at a few points, but that’s one of the reasons I love it so much. If I wanted deep I’d have done a film studies course at University and would right now be discussing how brilliant Bergman was over coffee with some earnest-looking people dressed in black (hey! Stereotype away! Sorry, anyone) instead of raving over something that is entertaining, has the odd cool thing to say about modern relationships and is very funny.

Okay, the plot. Janeane Garofalo is Abby, a plain-Jane radio vet, Uma Thurman the brainless model lives across the hall from her, and Ben Chaplin is a photographer who falls for Abby after getting some advice from her on the radio. Because of her low self-esteem, she sends Uma out on a date the two of them have arranged to pretend to be her, all manner of comic misunderstandings ensue but we all know its going to turn out alright in the end because if it didn’t suicide rates would skyrocket as people’s faith in the world would slip away.

I really, really like this film, and not just for the wonderful Garofalo, who’s far too attractive to convince anyone she’s a bit on the plain side (a slight fault with this film, but who cares?) It’s directed by Michael Lehmann, who also did the moderately amusing Airheads and the fantastic Hudson Hawk, and he has a good time here in the well-lit happy world of modern LA (I think).

Garofalo has said in interviews that she wasn’t happy with the way this film turned out because it kept getting changed around her all the time, but I think she’s worrying over nothing. Her stand-up personality pops up every now and again and some of the things it says about image in modern relationships are very true.

Now I don’t know if you Americans are just less reserved than us Brits, but that phone sex scene just threw me completely. Or maybe it’s just me and people are doing it all over and just haven’t got around to telling me yet. Who knows?

Anyway, for a nice night in with the person of your choice, you could much much worse than this film.

Clare’s rating: Once I get it out of this turtle’s butt, I’ll give this movie a thumbs up.

Clare’s review: A sort of modern day Cyreno De Bergerac, The Truth About Cats and Dogs is the story of Abbie Barnes (Jeaneane G.), a radio veterinarian who just happens to live next door to Noelle, a model who looks suspiciously like Uma Thurman, and the tangled web they weave when at first they practice to deceive.

Through a series of whacky mishaps and a couple of poorly told lies, one of Abbie’s listeners, played by refined British cutie Ben Chaplin, comes to believe that Noelle is Abbie and that Abbie is Noelle’s friend “Donna.” This well worn plot reaches its inevitable conclusion satisfyingly enough and Jeaneane Garofalo and Ben Chaplin do have a definite on-screen chemistry. There are several funny moments throughout and, for a romantic comedy that uses dogs and turtles as major plot pushing points, it’s a lot of fun to watch.

The problem with this movie as I see it is this. From frame one we’re supposed to buy into the fact that Abbie, although intelligent, funny, talented and self sufficient, is somehow lacking self-esteem because she thinks she’s ugly. Therefore it’s easy to understand why she would find it necessary to have Noelle, who is neither intelligent, funny, all that talented, or self-sufficient pose as her because, we are to believe, she is beautiful. I know I know. If Abbie felt that she was attractive and could woo Brian all by herself there would be no movie.

I just couldn’t get past the fact that Jeaneane Garolfalo is, in my and a whole bunch of other people’s opinions, one of the coolest, most attractive women going and Uma Thurman, well, isn’t. I just felt pandered to when I saw this movie for the first time and I didn’t like it. I’ve seen it a few more times since then and think that its merits outweigh its problems You just have to turn off your brain when you watch it so that nagging voice in your head that says “whoever thinks Jeaneane Garofolo is ugly doesn’t deserve her fine self anyway!” doesn’t get too distracting.

PoolMan’s rating: I always wanted to be a DJ. I hope I don’t have to look like Janeane to do that.

PoolMan’s review: Before I begin, I want to voice my utter disbelief in Uma Thurman as an attractive woman. I have never found her anything but vaguely good looking — and even that’s a stretch. The woman is thin enough that a nice firm tap to the spine would shatter her (literally), and she looks to have been punched in the eyes several times by someone who’s under hypnotic suggestion to beat the living hell out of any blond heroin addicts they see. Also, they chose to dress her in about the goofiest, most ill-fitting clothes they could find. This is not to say she’s a bad actor. She *can* act (blond). She just keeps turning up in movies I really, really like, this being one of them, even if I don’t like her. I hope this clears the whole thing up.

Cats and Dogs is almost universally accepted as the model of a good, mutually acceptable date movie. It’s romantic, sure, but it’s got big, dopey dogs, fingers in turtle bums, shocking phone sex, and some doozy one-liners from Janeane Garofolo. There is plenty here for BOTH of you, believe me. You won’t be writing me later in a huff.

Seeing as the plot’s been interestingly told three times by my predecessors above, I won’t go through it all again. Suffice it to say, this flick is all about identifying with Abby’s character… having plenty of interesting, valid, and exciting traits and abilities at your disposal, and not being bright enough to ever realize that you should be using them! Honestly, I am so grateful for the girl I have, because if she didn’t point out to me that I’m a pretty decent guy, I wouldn’t have noticed. So it’s easy to empathize with a main character who has so much goin’ on, and so little idea what to do with it. It’s that whole bear/bunny speech from Swingers all over again (“You’ve got these claws, man, and you don’t know what to do with them!”).

Much like everyone else I know, the phone sex scene struck me as being right out of left field. It’s not graphic, but it’s unexpected, and you’ll be squirming for air if you’re in mixed company. But don’t worry. It’ll be over soon, and the rest of a really good movie is waiting for you. It’s not a bad scene by any stretch, but there’s no real reason you’d see it coming. (no pun intended)

If you’re familiar with being down in the dumps and yearning for love, but want a movie that tells that kind of story in an upbeat way, The Truth About Cats and Dogs is about as good a movie as I can think of at the moment. Of course, having just seen it, it’s also the best “space marines fighting aliens who bleed acid” movie I can think of. I only have so much RAM to work with here, and my brain works in strange ways.

Oh look! A blue car!