“Have you seen my girlfriend? Tall, Thin, legs for days?”

Lissa’s rating: Slumber party time!

Lissa’s review: Guilty pleasures are a good, good thing. What would the world be without white chocolate Reese’s peanut butter cups, In Sync’s “Bye Bye Bye,” or The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot? Well, probably to most of you it would be the same or better, but these things all add a smile to my day. I like my guilty pleasures, even if I won’t usually admit to some of them.

Before I go on, let me say if you’re a guy, stop right here. You won’t like this movie. Don’t rent it. (Like you were really going to.) If you’re not into ballet, don’t bother. Center Stage won’t be ringing any bells with you. If you’re a teenaged girl, into ballet, or just like a good girlie-movie, please continue.

Center Stage, a 2000 rehash of Fame!, is a total guilty pleasure movie. It stars Amanda Schull as Jody (which I was really surprised to find was spelled with a “y” and not an “i-dotted-with-a-heart”), a sweet Midwestern type girl who makes it into one of the most prestigious ballet schools in the country, but is having trouble staying there. There she rooms with Eva (Zoe Saldana, of Crossroads) and Maura (Susan May Pratt), a pair of stereotypes. Eva is the tough girl with the surprising ability; Maura is the amazingly talented and supremely unhappy snotty girl. I’ll let you figure out what happens to these three. Virtual brownies to all who get it right. (Look, I’m just not baking that many real brownies, okay?)

Predictable plot, not-so-great dialogue, and lackluster acting all should make me denounce it from the pulpit. In fact, I’m not even sure I like some of the messages that come with it. But I didn’t watch it for the plot, dialogue, acting, or message, so that all doesn’t matter. I watched it for the ballet, and that was wonderful.

From the opening audition sequence to the end recital, the movie is liberally peppered with dancing. In fact, part of the reason some of the acting is so poor is that many of the dancers did their own acting. They’re dancers first, actors second, and it shows. Fortunately, I also mean that in a good way, and the dancing is fun to watch. If you like that kind of thing, that is. If you don’t, you should have listened to me back in the second paragraph.

I could go on and on about technical details and stuff like that, but it’s been a good fifteen years since I did ballet seriously. But the styles of dance range from the most classical ballet to salsa to much more modern dancing. There’s a great scene where Jody goes to a class at a different school, and although the instructor is totally obnoxious, the dancing and music are of the sort that make you want to get up and dance yourself — maybe try to learn the actual choreography they do. Not that I’ve done this before, at least when no one is home. And while Jonathon’s ballet, Romeo and Juliet, and Swan Lake are beautiful, I really enjoyed Cooper’s ballet at the end more than any other sequence.

Additionally, while the plot is no great work of Shakespeare (which is good, since everyone would end up dead), it’s not nearly down to the level of giggle-inducing hilarity that A Walk to Remember or Crossroads are reputed to have. The characters are stereotypes, yes, but they aren’t blazingly stupid. Hey, for a movie like this, that’s pretty high praise.

So if you like dancing, or liked Fame! and you’re ready for a similar movie, check out Center Stage. Definitely worth the rent.

Drew’s rating: I give Lissa an AFI top 100 film and get THIS in return? Oh, the Fates are cruel, my friends…

Drew’s review: You know, it’s dawned on me that guys in ballet schools are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. Now hear me out — yes, they are subject to endless ridicule and general questioning of masculinity by unenlightened souls like you and I regarding the general wussiness of their sport. Goes without saying. But seriously, look a little deeper… these guys have it made. For those of the gay persuasion, there’s likely to be at least a few similarly-oriented dudes around; and for the straight guys, man, don’t even go there. What kind of a male-female ratio do you think they’re dealing with? “Pardon me, but would you twelve incredibly desperate women care to take me, the only straight, single male you know, out to dinner? Thanks ever so much. If you’re good, Candy, maybe I’ll let you massage my back later while Nikki feeds me grapes.” Oh, they’re wusses all right, gentlemen… wusses like a fox!

And yes, in case you were wondering- these are the thoughts that occupy my mind while watching this movie.

Anyway, stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a tough-talkin’ homegirl, a prissy ice queen, and an everygirl with moderate talent but amazing heart find themselves thrown together in a do-or-die situation: dance academy. Clearly only the strong survive, but will our little ensemble tear each other apart, or can they properly harness grrl power! and find a way to triumph against adversity? Mmmm, tough one.

You honestly have to wonder, between this and Crossroads, how Zoe Saldana isn’t sick of doing this type of movie. Because if there’s one thing about Stage that stands out above all else, it’s this: stereotypes, stereotypes, stereotypes. When used properly, they can be a very effective storytelling tool — for instance, the archetype of the Man With No Name. But when just tossed haphazardly in by the truckload, all they come across as is cookie cutter. And the fact that I can search my memory and honestly say that not one character said or did anything that truly surprised me doesn’t speak well of the film as a whole. I know I’m upholding a double standard, because there are tons of movies I enjoy that are populated by nothing but one-dimensional stereotypes… witness Varsity Blues. But you want to know what makes the difference? Varsity Blues — football and whipped cream bikinis. Center Stage — ballet and men in leotards. From the male perspective, ’nuff said.

I can see Lissa’s point about the movie – the dancing is impressive, even I can recognize that. But I sat through enough of my little sister’s dance recitals when I was a kid to last a lifetime, and truthfully, that’s how I prefer my ballet: in increments of three minutes or less, interspersed with five-year-olds tap-dancing to the Locomotion. Hey, it’s what works. Except this movie has no adorable five-year-olds… instead it has angsty young adults mouthing terrible dialogue at each other. I don’t blame the actors themselves — not for everything, anyway — but hiring a couple of writers who understand how actual people talk to each other would’ve helped. (The whole “as a boyfriend, you kinda suck” line? Ouch. I know it’s not just the male perspective, because Lady Luck visibly winced too.) And building up a soured romance between Cooper (Ethan Stiefel) and the wife of Jonathan (Peter Gallagher) makes for an interesting subplot, only I must’ve missed the part where said wife weighed in on the situation herself; or, uh, well, had any lines at all.

Ultimately, I’d love to be able to tell all the dudes reading this to put away their preconceptions and go see this movie ’cause damn, does it rock; but c’mon, let’s be realistic. Lissa had it pegged exactly right in her review: if you’re a girl who enjoys dancing, you’ll forgive this movie its flaws and may even end up really liking it. And if you’re a guy… well hey, I’ve got Varsity Blues ready and waiting, boys. Pick up some beer on your way over and we’re in business!

(A closing thought — you notice how Lissa went out of her way to tell men NOT to watch this movie, then took her first opportunity to make the quintessential guy’s guy review it? That’s just mean. Remind me to schedule our Jaws marathon in the near future, ‘kay Liss? And while this marks my third chick flick review of the past few months and I understand I now qualify for a congressional medal of some sort, I want to reassure our more testosteriffic readers that this does not signal an ongoing trend — nothing but cowboy flicks and teen sex romps for the next year, I promise. A starlet naked in every movie reviewed or your money back!)

Didja Notice?

• For people that don’t have the excuse of “Oh, I’m really a dancer”, the people playing Jody’s parents can’t act.
• That close-up of Jody’s face at the end after all the concern about her doing her turns on one leg?
• Serious eye makeup.
• Jody’s awesome blow-off line. Hey, I got a kick out of it.
• Lady Luck: “So do you think Peter Gallagher was just desperate for work or what?”
• Broadway Dance Studio: home to many aspiring Sharks and Jets.
• Um, Cooper? That whole “giving wine and cookies to minors, then sleeping with them” thing you got going? Yeah, that doesn’t always work out so well for people. Just a heads up.
• I refuse to believe that male ballet dancers ride Harleys. Oh, but he’s the rebel male ballet dancer. Never mind then.
• Ballet… or porn? You make the call!
• Soooo leather pants are conducive to ballet? Good to know.
• Wait, what the crap? She just made a costume change on stage while the camera was off her? At what point did reality and this movie part ways?
• Speculation abounds: did Cooper actually sleep with that old widow lady to get the money to start his company? Lady Luck thinks yes, I kinda concur. Eww.
• Didn’t it seem like the dancers, for whom this was their only film role, actually did a better job acting than the professional actors? How ironic.