“Like maple syrup, Canada’s evil oozes over the United States.”

PoolMan’s rating: 5 out of 5 big, red, beautiful maple leafs, eh? (and in Canada, it ain’t leaves… ask someone from Toronto)

PoolMan’s review: In Canadian Bacon, the President (Mr Alda!) decides that to save his dwindling peacetime popularity, the US needs to start another Cold War to unite it in the spirit of Yankee pride. And who better to pick on than the complacent Canadians? They would never fight back, so he comes out smelling like roses absolutely risk-free, leading his nation against the great Canadian “evil”.

Unfortunately, some American residents take the whole thing a little seriously, and start raiding our fair nation. I LOVE the concept, and the fact that all the crazy Americans are played by Canucks (John Candy in particular… this was I think his last complete movie before he died) tickles me pink.

I LOVE all the Canuck-bashing jokes in this movie, because if you really sit still and listen carefully, you see how they reflect American world views. In other words, it’s not an insight into how the Canadians live, it’s an insight into how the rest of the world (read: United States) sees us. Betcha didn’t see that coming, did ya?

Anyways, I’m not going to turn this into a political forum (much as I normally like to). Canadian Bacon is a classic film, and there is no way on Earth you should miss it.

Justin’s rating: Oh CANADA! My home away from HOME! Where mooses poop and deer ROAM!

Justin’s review: Canada: A land so close, and yet so far from my attention. A land that forced me to sing the American national anthem when I lost my passport at customs (true story), a land where there’s about a jillion acres per living person, a land where PoolMan resides and rules his army of hedgehogs. Canada’s forever been sort of the affectionate little brother to the USA (or, as Homer Simpson put it, “America Jr.”), and we can’t ever imagine coming to clash with those jovial folks.

Or… can we?

Blowhard pseudo-documentarian Michael Moore pays tribute to our beaver-infested Northern neighbor in Canadian Bacon, and shows himself to be a much better director of fiction when he’s admitting he’s making fiction. In his documentaries, Moore’s taken on corporations (Roger and Me), gun violence (Bowling for Columbine) and Dubya (Fahrenheit 9/11), but here he tones down his rhetoric and uses a decidedly absurd situation to make a (for him) subtle point about the bloodthirsty media and the fickleness of political ratings.

Canadian Bacon posits that the current ratings-deprived President drums up a fake “cold war” with Canada to boost ratings. Splendid! I mean, not that war is anything to laugh about, but the situation at least is pretty unique. Unfortunately for both governments, Niagara Falls sheriff Bud (John Candy, in his last theatrical role) takes the threat seriously and leads a well-intentioned if poorly-armed invasion into the Land of the Maple Leaf Flag.

I originally watched Canadian Bacon with a Canadian friend of mine (who looks amazingly like a normal American). She did not find the “gentle jabs” at her homeland amusing, but she also doesn’t get why I wear elephant slippers to class. Some people are like that. I’ll admit that it’s a bit slow at start, but soon the flood of one-liners, sight gags, and over-the-top characterizations (Rhea Pearlman, Kevin Pollack, and Omega Force, to name a few) are awesome. As in, I sit in awe.

Nevertheless to say, Canadian Bacon makes fun of all the aspects of Canadian life that we dumb Americans just don’t get. Like, what’s up with their quarters invading our country’s supply? Haven’t you ever tried to pass off a Canadian quarter at the checkout line and felt like such a criminal? You did? POLICE!

But this film answers all, and is a revelation and a beacon of light to all seeking the Way of Michael Moore. And for the two of you Canadians with power AND Internet access, I don’t want to see death threats or we’ll just have to get… nasty (heheheheURK!)