The Academy Awards are now and forever the biggest load of Hollywood patting itself on the back that we’ve ever seen. The Golden Globes are still nothing more than a practice run for the Oscars. And the People’s Choice Awards have proven that America, outside of Mutant Reviewers readers, don’t know movies from my great Aunt Flo’s bidet. Where can the poor movie junkie go to see honest movies get their turn? Where can a lowly film made decades ago still receive accolades? Where can you get your voice in the future of cinema?

It ain’t Planet Hollywood, I tells ya. For the third year, the Annual Mutant Awards, presented by the Mutant Reviewers, were here to wipe away your sorrow, clean up the trash, and finally jettison anyone to do with MTV’s “Real World.” Our hyper-intelligent web surfers voted for their favorite movies in various categories. This year, we did things a little differently by voting for just one category each month, from February to September 2000 (totaling eight awards). At the end of each month votes were tallied, our prestigious “Mutie” given to the winning movie, and movie award history made.

And The Winners Are…

Best Zombie Film

Zombie films: slow bad guys, no remorse when they are killed. When it comes to slaughtering the evil undead, Ash and his chainsaw slices through them all in Evil Dead 2. This sequel/parody has hapless tough guy Ash fighting his ex-girlfriend and all sorts of other zombies in a haunted cabin. It was a close shave, with a lot of old school zombie lovers sticking with Night of the Living Dead.

Best End Credits Sequence

Who can forget the timeless humiliation of Ed Rooney’s trip on the school bus, the gutteral lyrics of “Oh Yeah!” and the admonition of Ferris himself to return to our places of dwelling? Apparently not the voters, who narrowly selected Ferris Bueller’s Day Off over the moose-infested silliness of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Best Stephen King Adaption

With such a broad category of decades’ worth of movies, voters picked their favorite Stephen King movie from all over. However, The Shawshank Redemption by and far stood out as the most popular favorite. This epic prison story casts Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman in the roles of two convicted felons who struggle to find hope behind bars. And then fight off rabid St. Bernards that invade the complex! Runners-up include The Shining, Misery, The Green Mile, Stand By Me, and Carrie.

Best Scene Twinned With A Cool Song

Songs can make the scene, and voters overwhelmingly picked the headbanging scene in Wayne’s World to the strains of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” to be one of the most inspiring, or, well, at least pretty darn cool of them all. Who doesn’t, to this day, have a hard time restraining him or herself from headbanging when this song kicks into overdrive? We feel the scene was also enhanced by the lip-synching of both Wayne and Garth. What a way to kick off this hilarious film!

Ultimate Campus Comedy

A campus comedy not only has to make you laugh, but it also embraces the spirit of college and high school life. PCU makes top grades for its gratuitous use of quotable lines, meat tossed out of a window, protests, and the shower scene. However, this month’s category was fiercely fought between many favorite films, and rest assured that all the runner-ups will go home with a copy of “Mutant Reviewers: The Board Game”.

King of Cult

He’s the master of manliness, the expert of twisted faces, and an understatement of sarcasm rolled all into one. Voters picked the ever groovy Bruce Campbell as the King of Cult. Bruce likes the crown we sent him. He starred in the famous Evil Dead trilogy, and has appeared in many other cult films, such as Waxwork II and The Hudsucker Proxy.

Queen of Cult

Short, smart, and sassy – Janeane Garofalo is just the way we like them! This quirky stand-up comedian has performed in a wide variety of film roles, most notably as a timid dater in The Truth About Cats and Dogs, a cynical smoker in Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion, and a superhero who bowls in Mystery Men.

Best Bad Horror Guy

Born from a logo on a package of marshmallows, the Stay Puft marshmallow man leapt to infamy during his New York City romp in Ghostbusters. Apparently our readership felt more terror from this bag of… fluffy sweetness to topple other horror movie giants. Just goes to show that we should host the Oscars next year. A number of other bad guys creapt into second and third place, including Bad Ash from Army of Darkness.