“They time this kid’s fastball with an hourglass!”

Justin’s rating: Stealing second base… and my heart

Justin’s review: For a good chunk of the 1990s, I worked part-time in various video rental stores. It was the perfect place for a guy like me who loved movies and wanted to marinate in their presence, even if I spent most of my time rewinding tapes (ask your parents about that, kids) and cleaning the popcorn machine.

One of the strange quirks about video rental stores is that they were the second hope of failed films. Rental catalogs sent to store managers would talk up the most obscure pieces of trash you’ve ever seen as if they were the next Jurassic Park. And because we always needed a new film to release and hype every week, sometimes movies like Major League: Back to the Minors would arrive with posters, cardboard stand-ups, and plenty of promotion on the trailer loops they’d play on the TVs.

That brief and fleeting memory of Major League 3 getting gobs of love at the video store when it made a paltry $3.5 million at the box office is all I had to mark this movie in my mind… at least until 22 years later, when I actually watched the darn thing.

More of a spin-off than a sequel, Back to the Minors takes the DNA of the first two movie and transplants it into minor league baseball. It’s still primarily a story about an ex-baseball player (in this case, Quantum Leap’s Scott Bakula) turned manager who is tasked with polishing a very rough team of misfits and losers. There are just a handful of faces that return from the previous films, of which sports commenter Bob Ueker is the most notable.

The team in question here is the South Carolina Buzz, the farm team for the Minnesota Twins, so we’re leagues (sorry) away from the Cleveland Indians in any way, shape, or form.  And as the Buzz comes together and starts picking up actual talent, they start to draw attention — especially from the Twins, which aren’t doing so hot this season. A novelty game is proposed: The Buzz vs. the Twins, giving the little guys a chance at “The Game” while putting butts in the seat of the park.

Here’s the thing about AAA baseball — it actually is way more enjoyable to watch than the major leagues. Players on the way up and the way down seem to have more fun and put on a better game. Likewise, there’s something freeing and refreshing about seeing a change-up of the team and setting for this third outing.

Don’t get me wrong — it’s not a terrific film by most definitions. Of course, the first Major League wasn’t all that good (more of a guilty pleasure).  But Back to the Minors has… well, it has a vacation spirit to it. It’s light-hearted, has goofy characters doing goofy things, the editing is actually good, the music is playful, and it’s new enough to keep me engaged. It even made me chuckle from time to time. If I was a cable TV watcher and this was on when I was flicking through channels, sure, I’d give it a watch and wouldn’t feel cheated afterward.

What I’m saying is that Back to the Minors actually tries to give a damn instead of just coasting on the coattails of Tom Berenger and Charlie Sheen. There are a lot of jokes to be mined from baseball, and it’s more believable to see a group of screw-ups in minor league than it is with the Indians. From obscenely slow pitchers to twins with the same name to a ballet dancer leaping between bases, this movie does whatever it takes to keep you entertained while slowly building up for the epic showdown game that you know is coming.

If I had to pick between Major League II and Back to the Minors, believe me when I say I’d go with this third film every time. I like seeing Scott Bakula loose and enjoying himself, and there’s a perverse pleasure in seeing a farm team go toe-to-toe with the majors — even though this would never happen in real life.

There are worse ways to pass a couple of hours and worse groups of movie people to hang out with, trust me. Back to the Minors is a small gem, but I’m comfortable calling it a gem even so.