“I was sawing my arm off so I wouldn’t have to wake you.”

Sue’s Rating: Can I see your ID please?

Sue’s Review: How to begin? I mean, I’m no prude, but MRFH-HQ (y’know, if you try to pronounce that, it sounds like a cat coughing up a hairball) encourages sort of a PG-13 rating for content. And man, I just know there’s got to be a few 13-year-olds left out there who aren’t quite as clued in as their brethren in things… recreationally procreational. Besides, I’m a mom and painfully aware that if my son or any of his classmates ever wandered into our particular corner of the Internet, they’d probably surf to this review with the instinct and gusto of sharks to fresh chum. So I’m going to try, really try, to say what I’ve got to say without saying what I shouldn’t ought to say. If you see what I’m saying.

I mean, the title itself pretty much says it for me. Right?

Okay, here I go.

Josh (David Wenham) meets Cin (Susie Porter) at a party. He’s a photographer and sort of boring, although he does a credible meercat impersonation. (Like Timon, from The Lion King, kids! How about you all go watch The Lion King? Someone dies, I promise!) She’s sort of plain in a bleached hair, freckled face way, but pleasant enough. Yes, it can be said that they are pleasant and ordinary people. By sheer coincidence, when it’s time to go home that evening, they share a cab, which is not only good manners, but economical too! They trade the usual polite “getting to know you” banter as they ride along in the cab and it becomes apparent that he’s leaving the country in three days, maybe to take pictures of warthogs… which are also featured in The Lion King.

He’s sort of cute. She’s sort of cute. Mutual… uhm… admiration is in the air. And as they go along, they each begin to think… that it would be nice to continue to share banter and other… stuff. At least for the night. Because they aren’t tired or anything.

So they have sort of a… a slumber party. And they discover that it’s nice to share with each other. So they continue to share, because sharing can be good. Not necessarily great, (which I like because it’s accurate), but certainly good.

And then they think that it would be nice to share some more, at least until he has to leave the country. I mean, they’re getting along very well, which they demonstrate enthusiastically. To coin a favorite phrase of Tom Clancy’s, they exhibit “commendable vigor”.

There’s a lot, a whole lot, of… demonstrated affection going on.

This is extremely interesting to their friends, who I think don’t get to share as much as they’d like to, although they seem to have many educated opinions about that process in all its particulars. Everyone gets interviewed, more or less, and they are all very… candid. Trust me when I say that it puts a whole new spin on opinion polls.

But then, there are a few glitches. These are things that grown-ups call “unresolved issues” and they are very common and can really get in the way of sharing. So it isn’t all healthy and happy comradeship for a while, but Josh and Cin are nice and pleasant and we certainly wish them well. Those lucky… ducks.

It occurs to me that you might wonder why I picked this movie to watch, let alone review. Trust me when I saw the clerk’s face when I checked it out from the store, I wondered myself. Of embarrassing titles to rent, this is in my top five. (Especially when the clerk reads the title out loud… emphasis on loud. Which he did.) The reason I did rent it is simple. It’s Mutant Reviewer Lissa’s fault. So there.

She’s warbled the praises of David Wenham often enough in reviews and on the MRFH Forum, that when I noticed his name in passing during my weekly Movie Gallery trawl, I decided to give it a whirl. I mean the guy is Faramir. What’s not to love? I have to admit that Wenham’s an excellent actor. Lord of the Rings aside, I’ve watched Moulin Rouge! sixty or seventy times, (sad, I know) but I would never have made the connection between the high strung Audrey of Moulin Rouge and good ol’ amiable, five o’clock shadowed Josh.

Not even when he was wearing a dress.

So I’m going to forgive Lissa for my video store mortification, because I really do like Wenham. His mannerisms and appearance struck me as a little bit Gere, a little bit Affleck (which I’ll also forgive) and a whole lot of boyish charm. In fact, I wouldn’t mind sharing… a cab with him.

Equal credit goes to Susie Porter too, because she and Wenham did an extraordinarily fine job of demonstrating not just the chemistry of attraction, but also the flaws that differentiate real people from the population of every trashy romance novel ever written. As a microcosm of the relationship game, Better Than Sex is better than… well, it’s fun. Definitely fun.

But kids, The Lion King is way cooler! Really!