“Demon llama? Where?”

The Scoop: 2000 G, directed by Mark Dindal and starring David Spade, Eartha Kitt, John Goodman and Patrick Warburton

Tagline: It’s all about…ME!

Summary Capsule: A selfish emperor gets turned into a llama and teams up with a local peasant, WITH sexy results (or not)

DnaError’s rating: More fun then a barrel full of evil kittens!

DnaError’s review: *BioHarzard Warning* The Emperor’s New Groove is not a Disney movie. It’s a snarky, caustic, sarcastic wisecrack feast hidden under the Disney Logo and a stupid title. I’m not even sure this is a KID’S movie, because many of the jokes will go right over the little monkey’s heads, which is good for us older folks. This movie has no elements of traditional Disney flicks, which means we are given NO songs, NO cute sidekicks, NO “love interest”, NO pathos.

What TENG *does* have is…

• A deliciously hip, post-modern ‘tude in the vein of The Simpsons.
• Endless series of one-liners, sarcastic quips, and hilarious jabs that are more directed to adults then kidlets.
• Action-packed pacing more like Chunk Jones then Walt Disney
• Bright, colorful settings and character design.
• A non-Disney plot about an egotistical emperor (who has his own Theme Song guy) who is turned into a llama by a scheming advisor
• Clever, sharply comical characters that are more like old WB wise guys then Disney sad-sacks.
• On the spot voice acting that actually makes David Spade tolerable and Eartha Kitt even more evil then she already sounds.
• A short, 90 minute running time.

So, that’s about it. A hilarious, comic romp that is *not* your typical Disney movie. Sure, it’s not the grand, sweeping epic that we have gotten used to Dinsey giving us, but hey, those were boring. It’s fast paced, it’s full of clever ironic humor and zesty one-liners, design that makes use of the cartoon medium with colors and cuts, and is just a great way to spend 90 minutes of your time.

PoolMan’s rating: Dear God, this isn’t Disney! I brought my children, you know!

PoolMan’s review: There’s no better way to describe this flick than how DnaError has already so aptly done… this is definitely NOT Disney’s typical offering. And despite my rating, it IS pretty kid-friendly, but you know darn well they wrote this for us taller folk. Well, taller than kids, I mean. Not just me.

I remember the ads for TENG very clearly. The voice of David Spade is turned into a llama. He doesn’t like being a llama. That’s all they showed! If I’d known it was so damn funny, I would have seen it in the theaters! Honestly, barely a line goes by without some really funny joke, and every piece of action is perfectly done to be as humourous as possible.

I particularly enjoyed Kronk trying to keep up with Yzma’s and Kuzco’s orders in the diner kitchen… brilliantly timed, with just the right amount of straight man. Actually, Patrick Warburton’s performance as Yzma’s bodyguard Kronk is probably what pushed this flick from funny into killing myself with laughter. Everything the character does and says was cracking me up, beginning to end. I have higher expectations of the live action Tick show now. I hope he lives up to them.

Anyways, straying back to the point, I remember thinking several times how much more Looney Tunes this was instead of Disney. Even the art style (the squirrel, anyone?) and sound effects really did have that Chuck Jones feel, and I liked it! But it managed this without feeling stolen or contrived… very cool. As for the actual plot, it is pretty predictable, but at least the guys at Disney had the common sense to make the rest of the movie really entertaining around such a simple core. There’s so many little touches (I liked when Kuzco onscreen argues with Kuzco narrating) that you won’t even notice this is a fairly weak little story.

The only problem I had was with the title… I said it before, I’ll say it again. Give it a title that has something to do with the story! Yeah, yeah, there’s a line about the Emperor’s all-important groove somewhere near the beginning, but it’s largely forgotten after the first act.

The Emperor’s New Groove has a devilishly fun sense of humour, a great voice cast, interesting art, and enough music to move the story along without bogging it down. This ain’t your daddy’s Disney cartoon. I’d love to see more of this from Eisner and Company very soon. Think they’ll oblige me?

Lissa’s rating: Five out of five spinach puffs

Lissa’s review: Before I begin, let me adjust my mouse ears.

Ahem.

I love Disney. I always have, I always will. I grew up on Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Lady and the Tramp (although I always thought Snow White was a wimp). I fell in love with Beauty and the Beast, actually saw Hercules in the theaters, and when we do have a kid, you can bet the nursery will be decorated with a Lion King theme. I know about the objectification of women, and heck, I agree. But deep in my heart I love the dresses, the songs, and the belief that true love always wins and there’s a happily ever after for everyone.

However, I love snarky sarcasm too.

Like Poolman and DnaError have pointed out, The Emperor’s New Groove ain’t really Disney. Nope. And while the little girl in me throws a temper tantrum for pink dresses and glittery magic fairy godmothers, the rest of me is left cracking up at a movie that doesn’t have a ball gown in sight. Instead, it’s about llamas. Yes. Llamas. Who came up with that word, anyway? Llama. An emperor turned into a llama. You have to admit, it’s not a premise you see every day.

The voice cast is absolutely excellent. Not a soprano in sight, erm, earshot, and lots of well-timed and witty banter. David Spade and John Goodman play off each other quite well (although Pacha is a little too goody-goody for me), but the villains totally take the cake. Yzma (Eartha Kitt), an octogenarian (at least) with a serious boy-toy fetish and said boy-toy Kronk (Patrick Warburton) have got to be the most fun villains Disney has ever come up with. While Yzma’s got that suitably-over-the-top evil thing going on, Kronk is completely oblivious, obsessed with Martha Stewart magazines and wrestling with his conscience (who can do one-handed-handstand-push-ups). I mean, the guy even sings his own theme song — Kuzco the Emperor has to hire someone else to do it for him. How’s that for cool?

Admittedly, the movie does bog down a bit in the second act, as Kuzco and Pacha wrestle with the definition of friendship and loyalty and honor and all that. But it doesn’t last long, so stay awake. There’s no songs to speak of, and unlike everyone else, I actually do miss that, although it doesn’t detract from the movie. But there’s also no love interest (except a happy and very pregnant wife), and that’s something I don’t miss at all. As grand and as wonderful as love is, there are other things in the world to make movies about.

While I would never call The Emperor’s New Groove the best movie Disney’s ever made, I would call it the funniest. In fact, it’s probably the Disney movie I watch the most thanks to its fast pace and amusing quips, and my suspicion that Kuzco would step on Jiminy Cricket any day of the week. (I never liked Jiminy Cricket, if you can’t tell.) Check it out. Millions of Kronk fans can’t be wrong.

Intermission!

• At the resturant when Kuzco is dressed as a female, he is wearing Pacha’s pancho as a dress. When Pacha and Kuzco split, Kuzco still has the “dress” on. However, after that in the rain he does not and then in the llama field, Pacha has the pancho on again.
• Eartha Kitt (who played Yzma) is turned into a cat in the movie. Her nickname in real life is Kitty and she played Catwoman in the Batman TV series for many years.
• When Tipo says, “You know, I really don’t believe you’re my great aunt, you’re more like my…”, he says great 23 times.
• According to the DVD Commentary, this is the first Disney Animated Feature to show a pregnant woman.
• When part of the bridge breaks and falls into the canyon, the wooden pieces spell out the word “DAMN”. The first piece shows “D,” the next “A,” and so on.
• Patrick Warburton improvised when Kronk hummed his own theme song when he was carrying Kuzco in the bag to the waterfall. Disney legal department had Patrick to sign all rights to the humming composition over to them.

Groovy Quotes

• Pacha: Uh oh.

• Kuzco: Don’t tell me: We’re about to go over a huge waterfall.

• Pacha: Yep.

• Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?

• Pacha: Most likely.

Kuzco: Bring it on.

• Pacha: Where did you come from, little guy?

• Kuzco: No… touchy.

• Pacha: Aah. Demon llama.

Kuzco: Demon llama? Where?

Yzma: Why do we even HAVE that lever?

Yzma: Are you talking to that squirrel?
Kronk: I was a junior chipmunk. We had to be versed in all the woodland creatures.

Yzma: Tell us where the talking llama is and we’ll burn your house to the ground.
Kronk: Don’t you mean “or”?
Yzma: [sighs] Tell us where the talking llama is *or* we’ll burn your house to the ground.
Chaca: Well, which one is it? That seems like a pretty crucial conjunction.

Pacha: Someday, you’re gonna find yourself all alone, with nobody to blame but yourself.
Kuzko: Thanks. I’ll log that one away.

Kuzco: It’s a good thing you’re not a big fat guy or this would be really difficult.

Yzma: That is the last time we take directions from a squirrel.

If you liked this movie, try these:

• Any other movie featuring talking llamas
• Lilo and Stitch
• Shrek